I know its been a while, but it has been a super busy week. We had a family thing this weekend, and so I spent most of last week cooking to get ready for it.
Mostly the last week has been pretty good, we had a pretty big rough spot last Wednesday. There was a lot of talk about money, and how this was going to make things extra expensive, and I tried talking to some girl friends about it, but I don't know how much it helped. My husband surprised me by coming home from work early, to try to make me feel better. At first I was kinda excited he came home, but when I started getting upset and he acted like he didn't notice, and stayed out of the kitchen (where I was baking for the weekend) I just ended up being pissed at him. I can't even tell you how many times I cried that day. I don't really remember details to it all (I wish I would have been able to write on here sooner) but eventually we got past it and talked it out.
Most of the rest of the week went fine until Friday night. We were down with my family and my husband heard my Dad and cousin make some comments about the transsexuals in the keys. I'm not sure what exactly they said, he was to upset to tell me exactly what was said. So we ended up going to bed kinda early that night because he just wasn't in the mood to go back down stairs, and I didn't want to leave him alone, I would just keep worrying that he was crying again and I didn't notice. I was a little annoyed because I wanted to hang out with my family, but I also completely understood why he was upset, and wasn't about to leave him alone.
After that the weekend went great again till late Sunday. My husband when to brush my cheek, and he brushed it with his newly grown nail, and it really kinda weirded me out. It seems like such a little thing, but every time I saw his nails it bothered me for some reason. So I told him, and he promised to cut them for me, and he did end up doing it that night. The next night, things still just seemed off. I realized it was his legs. He had been shaving for a few weeks now, and it wasn't bothering me at all till last night. I can't even really describe exactly how it made me feel, but I couldn't stand to touch his legs. It didn't matter if it was with my hands or with my legs when. I couldn't stand the feeling. I felt bad talking to him about it, I mean just the night before I asked him to start cutting his nails, and now I couldn't stand his legs.
We talked about it a lot last night, and he said he would stop shaving for a while, but that I had to still let him have something, like still wearing his pajama pants from time to time. He also asked that I let him know if I can think of anything that I would be ok with him doing to keep the change going. It finally felt like there was some compromising instead of just me giving up things. I also suggested he make a list of things he would like to change, like going back to shaving his legs, and growing his nails etc.. This would give me a way to see what he wants to start doing, and think about if they are things that I can handle or not. It also makes it so things like wearing his woman's pajama pants, I can just tell him today would be a fine day to do that. I'm hoping it will be a way to introduce more things in, and hopefully make them a little easier for me, and allow him to tell me how he would like to express himself, and it will give me a heads up to what is on his mind. I don't know if this will work, but all we can really do is just keep trying things until we find out what will work for us.
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