Tuesday, January 22, 2013

January 22, 2013

I'm so frustrated with my husband right now.  We've been living pay check to pay check for a long time now, and I thought things were gonna start loosening up, but now there are gonna be so many extra bills for him.  We're gonna start going to therapy together soon, and he wants to start the electric facial hair removal treatment thing too.  I can help but think what about what I want? What about my hopes and dream for the future?  Do they not matter now because his are more important?  He was upset about the money stress last night too (after I brought it up) by then end of the conversation (which was more both of us laying in bed really upset and not talking) I told him not to worry about it, I always make things work.  The only way I can see to make it all work is to give up everything I want, so he can have what he wants.  I'm not real sure how its fair, but we can't both have what we want, and he hasn't offered a compromise.  So now on top of slowly losing the man I married, I'm also giving up on most of my dreams so he can have his. 

I didn't have any really fancy dreams, but I wanted to do some home improvements, and it would be nice to actually have a savings.  I really want him to tell me that we can just keep living how we are.  He tells me he's happy so why can't we just stay like this.  I know that's a naive thought, that he's not getting to be who he really is.  I guess I just don't understand how he can tell me he's happy and also want to change everything about our relationship. 

Our oldest son has been begging us to get him a puppy, and I want so bad for the boys to grow up with a dog like I did, but that's just another expense that I don't think we can make work anymore. 

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