Last night was another down hill. Not really any new emotions, but still the feeling of why do I have to deal with this, how is fair. I hate when I get that thought in my head. For one I feel overly depressed because of it, but I also feel guilty for feeling that way. Like I'm not being understanding enough for my husbands sake. Then he tells me that he was getting upset that I made a few jokes about some of the changes he been making. My jokes weren't meant to hurt him, we always joke around about stuff, they were just my way of dealing. I just ended up feeling like I've been failing him. By the end I couldn't sleep. He couldn't think of anything to even try to make me feel better, and it only made me feel worse, like my feeling was justified. So I just laid in bed, trying as hard as I could sleep, but failing. To make matters worse our older son kept waking up crying last night.
I do have to give credit to my husband, he did at least learn from the other day. When his alarm went off he snoozed it and just cuddled with me for a while. It might not have solved any problems, but it did make my day start on a much better note.
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