October 2, 2013

I haven't written in a while. I have been busy, plus I guess I didn't know what to say. We have had a few ups and downs over the last few months.  One of the most recent downs was about who my husband was coming out to.  Don't get me wrong I'm very supportive of him coming out, however he's been only telling my family and friends.  It didn't really bother me that he was coming out to them, what got to me was the fact that when I expressed concern of a certain friend telling all of my old friends and I wasn't sure about how I felt about that, he acted like I was over reacting.  It ended up being a big fight... well not really a fit, but we were both upset.  We ended up talking it out and both admitted that we over reacted.

Out side of the transgender side of things, we had a rough month last night.   We have decided to have at least 1 (maybe 2) more kids before he starts hormones.  Last month we had miscarriage.  It was very early in the pregnancy, and we are able to try again right away, but all I could think is did I really need to go through this too!  We have really come to terms with the loss.

Going back to coming out, my husband has been struggling with the idea of telling his family.  I know I have posted on here before about how we don't get along well with his mom, shes also not very open minded.  He is terrified of her reaction, as well as of the reaction of the rest of his family.  We are suppose to go see his extended family for Thanksgiving and is afraid of telling his mom before then.  He's afraid that she might tell all of the family before he is read for them to know.  I wish I could help him with this, but outside of being there for him and supporting him, its something he really has to do for himself.

We have been talking about names lately, he had told someone that his girl name is Jessica, and I told him I didn't like that name!  I know to many people with the name Jessica, and I'm just not a big fan of the name.  We started looking at name lists and stuff, and he ended up really liking the name Katie.  I'm still coming around to it, but I don't really have a problem with it.  I think the only thing that makes me hesitate is simply the idea of having to pick a girl name for my husband.

I think I have finally accepted that he is transgender.  I know I am still using the he/his instead of she/her, in private from time to time I will call him my wife, and a few things like that.  Really I don't want to get to use to saying she and then slip and use she when talking about him to someone who doesn't know.  I have started trying to surprise him with clothes.  For his birthday I got him a pair of girl jeans and 2 shirts.  Its been a lot easier to see him in girl clothes then I thought it would be.  He has been wearing some girl PJ's for a while now, but jeans are a different thing.  Yesterday I surprised him with some underwear, as his boxers didn't really look right under his jeans.  He has been feeling a little self conscious in his girl clothes, so I have been trying to encourage him to wear them around the house and become more comfortable.  They don't fit like the clothes he is use to... plus his is still lacking the boobs that would change how they look too.

Overall I think our life has finally gotten to its new level of normalcy.  Its not what it use to be, but it is good, and filled with a lot of happiness.