Monday, March 25, 2013
March 25, 2013
So I finally found another blogger that is a TS spouse. It was nice to hear about someone who knows what I am going through. While reading her blog, she brought up a lot of things I had never thought of. My husband and I talked about a lot of things last night. Some was just opinions on some of the topics, but we also talked about what he wants to be trying. He wants clothes. He wasn't sure what kind of clothes he wanted yet, but just knew that he wants to start moving in that direction. Hes not ready to go out in public dressed like a women yet, but wants to have the option to at home at least. So after some talking I suggested that we maybe start with some somewhat gender neutral woman's jeans. Then he asked what about underwear. I told me we could try. The best part about the changes in clothing is that it can come off. If some days its just to much for me, he will take it off, and put his man clothes on. He knows there is an adjustment period with every change he makes. I know a while back I had mentioned our compromise we had, about going back and forth with shaving, and nail length, and if the PJ pants were to much he would change. I haven't had to ask him to change anything. I've become pretty comfortable with it all. Every once in a while I ask him to cut or file his nails, but its generally when they start getting to a length I don't even like when my own nails get. Every little step is hard, but then it gets easier again. I think as long as we keep talking about it all before it happens we can make it work. I love him so much, and the more I think about it, the more I realize how little his gender effects the things I love about him.
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Hi Corrin ,I have been reading your blog with interest.
ReplyDeleteThis is only a point of view! It's great that you intend to support your husband on this matter I'm still not sure how my wife is going to take things as I am now not long into seeing a therapist and have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I am 47 and have had this issue all my life but am just starting to deal with it now. There are reasons in my case for leaving it so late,mainly and not in order.....money,marriage,children,stigma,isolation and a general lack of support, oh and work . I have been married 25+years and the children are now adults and I. Only recently told them id be dressing at home more frequently than not but they sort of already knew! Any way my thinking was that your children need priority,they never asked for any of this and a step by step approach 'might' be the best option for your husband. It's a massive under taking as I have read and, looked into this for years.If you can't afford to live in your true gender it can make life very difficult and the lives of your dependants. I would suggest your husband tries the odd dress agency for a day for some relief and a bit of fun when finances allow and dressing at home within 'your comfort zone'.
Your mother in law! God I could tell you now that you ideally need to keep communications with her to a minimum,get your husband to do the talking and any arrangements with the children and she will and I say again will poison your marriage as from where I'm looking you are surely the near perfect wife a transgender could have! My reason for the mother in law rant-my mother made my wife's life a misery and indirectly mine,and so I made a decision.I cut her out of my life effectively.Yes there was the odd bit of contact but I kept it very cool.Iooking back it was a hard thing for me to do but my family came first.
Hope I haven't caused any offence with this or any problems but this is a truncated reply to what I have read about your situation so far.What the future holds for me is yet to be decided and the same goes for yourselves but I wish you all the best. Ed or Orlagh when I'm in girl mode! I only picked that name in the last year,something else you might want to help your husband with!!!
Thank you so much for your replay! Its nice to know that someone is reading. If your wife ever needs someone to talk to please share my blog with her, and I'm happy to pass along my email if she would like it.
ReplyDeleteThank you also for your advice. We have for the most part cut my MIL out. We plan to invite her to our boy's birthday parties, and will likely see them during the holidays but thats about it.
I'm hoping that since I have been so open and accepting with him coming out, and accepting some of his changes that it will make it a lot easier for our kids. I think it will also help that they are only 3 years, and 7 months. They don't have any prejudice and if we are doing our job right they never will.
If finances go as planed, I plan and going clothes shopping for him next month when I go to an outlet mall with my mom. It will be a little weird to buy him girl cloths, but at the same time I look forward to how happy it will make him. I think concentrating on how happy all of this will make him is the easiest way to work through this so far.
Thank you again for you comment and advice, and I wish you both all the best.