So about a month ago Jon finally told his parents and siblings. At first we were surprised with how well things went. His siblings haven't said a single word to us at all, but his parents said they thought he shouldn't rush into things and they would be willing to pay for a therapist for us. Well that didn't last long till we found out that they wanted to pay for a therapist who would "fix" Jon. When we would answer the questions they asked, they would come back and tell us that we were wrong, and inform us of how things in our life really are. There was nothing we could say to answer their questions how they wanted. So we suggested to them that they read some information that we sent them, and take some time to think things through, and get their thoughts together. We were then told that they didn't want to read the text book cases, they wanted to hear it from us, and that they needed some time. So we tried to explain again, and again suggested they take some time to think about things. They kept telling us they needed time, but also refused to take it. As we kept trying to explain they just kept getting more aggressive towards me. After a week of getting no where with them Jon decided to block them on facebook, and encouraged me to as well, which I did after I got another email that wasn't even focused on Jon anymore and had become focused on just attacking me. After that my MIL started emailing us. Telling us that we were running away like scared children. All we wanted was some relief from the stress they were causing. They were saying things that will never be forgotten, and things that hurt both of us deeply. Jon set it up so our email just deleted her emails so we don't even read them anymore. She also told us that if we were going to Thanksgiving then they wouldn't be going because they couldn't see us and pretend like anything was ok.
After cutting her off, she wrote a letter to Jon's work. She started out sounding like things might get better. She said they had actually looked some stuff up, and it sounded like they might be trying to understand... she then spent the next 8 pages bashing me. Telling Jon that I am this terrible person who does terrible things, and anything that I say about her is a lie, she even took it far enough to tell us that they have figured out what is wrong with me, and said that I am a sociopath, and that he should look it up and he'll see that it matches how I treat everyone. She barely filled a page and a half trying to support Jon, and spent 8 pages attacking me. I don't know how she thinks this will help anything. She has just pushed her son away, and is blaming me on it.
Now I know it is hard to hear your son is really a woman. It may even be harder then being the wife. I did my best to keep that in mind though all of this as she questioned me as to why I stayed with him, and why I am still staying with him. And even when she continued to tell me that things would change and things would get harder, and how do I know I wont leave him then. It was when she followed all of that up with admitting that she just wanted to make sure I loved him. Then went on to tell me how terrible of a person I am. I understand blaming me for this. They need someone to blame, at least in the beginning, they don't want it to be their fault, so they want to blame me. But to attacked me about things that don't relate to Jon being trans at all.
I know they are going through a lot, and our relationship has been going down hill for years. But she has pushed us to not wanting to even talk to them or see them. We were excited to go see Jon's extended family at thanksgiving since my MIL say they wouldn't be there if we were, but once we found out that they are still planning on going we have decided not to go. We are crushed by it. There is family that will be there that we haven't seen in a really long time, and we were excited to see them, but we just can't take the stress of seeing them. Not after everything she has had to say about us.. well me. I've had to be one on contacting Jon's aunts and letting them know we're not coming and why, and I think that has been even harder then all of the things his mom has said to me. I don't wan to lie to to family, I don't think its right to lie for any reason. I tried to be vague, and give simple reasons, but I still feel bad that we can't go see his family cuz his MIL is crazy.
Sorry if this post is kinda all over the place, I've just had this on my mind for a while now and wanted to get some of it out.
